Section 2: Overthinking

Prologue

Maybe we'd still have the very same conversation

Even after our roles are reversed

Sometimes it takes two to arrive at an answer to a question

To conclude whether something is a gift or a curse

For there can only exist one hero and one villain

And I've been trying to come to terms with my own demon

Is it my fault that I can't shake this fuzzy feeling

How do I help my messed up mind to stop thinking

I've been trying to discover my true self and my position

As well as accepting the fact that we're all born and built different

I wish I could see myself the way I see you and them

But I don’t have a mirror to see my own reflection

Ah! I have wasted a good portion of my time

Trying to make these cheesy words rhyme

Time to deactivate my default mode network

Pen down and focus on my work

Click!

Dark Side

I am guilt masked by innocence

There's a facet to this brilliant diamond nobody should ever see

Only Lord knows that I'm not that good a person

So consider yourself lucky to see the good side of me

I am danger hiding behind the smiling face

Poison lurking within the sweet taste

Petals overshadowing a rose's thorns

Angel without wings, devil without horns

I am the thief disguised as the saint

My true colour is a mixture of every other paint

Head to toe, I may well look plain

But who knows if inside I am insane

I can be the hero, I can as well be the villain

I can be your foe, and I can be your friend

I am its cure, I too am its bane

There’s nearly nothing that I can’t pretend

I know, everyone has a dark side

And mine’s concealed, for which I thank God

But at times I just can’t help but fear that

A leopard can’t change its spots

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I am what I am

And try to be anything that I’m not

Call me ungrateful, but

At some point, we all have that thought

Different

I was told that I was different

Or was it me who said it to my own self?

Can this alien disguised as a human

Blend and fit right in nonetheless?

Perhaps rather it's a demon

That creeps underneath my skin

Hungering for the taste of my human

Devouring it, bit by bit

MonstEr

When I was four,

I was so afraid

of the monster

underneath my bed.

As I grew up,

I soon realised

that the monster

would be me myself.

In my head, in my marred, scarred heart,

and in the mirror.

Perhaps I no longer fear the dark

because darkness has become so familiar.

The Thing About Me

Perhaps I am more fond of words

Than I have ever been of her

For her charm wanes with time

Whilst my words age like fine wine

I guess I just love to keep hurting

Keep writing, and keep falling

For I found pieces of pleasure

Amongst my heart smithereens

I think that’s the thing about me

The embodiment of melancholy

A love and beauty translator

Seeking desire-purging agony

Outlier

I am the rebel in the heart of a ghost town

A lone soul lost in the middle of a concrete jungle

Hunting down truth in an empire of lies

Mining for pieces of peace underneath the chaotic skies

I am the axis around which the universe exists

Yet a single grain of sand within the hot desert

A survivor drifting across the cold sea of destiny

Who possesses nothing but his profound words

A Series of Questions

How many left of my breath?

When is the time of my death?

Will I make it to tomorrow and beyond?

Will they remember me when I’m gone?

Can this tireless heart beat forever?

Is death worse or is it better?

Is life a gift or is it a curse?

Who am I in this vast universe?

Is my existence even significant

Within the space-time continuum?

For I’m but an impotent mortal human

An expandable atom within an element

Are we not but souls trapped in a fragile body?

Minds bound to desires longing to be free

Perhaps death is the only way to ultimate freedom

To return to the One whom we came from

Or gravity-bound psyche yearning for limited freedom

Within the confines of this well-decorated prison

Though never in this cage can we fly truly freely

Privileged are we with the freedom within this aviary

 

Maybe death shall soon set this weightless spirit free

From the anchor and chain of this heavy body

Maybe I’ve been searching for a way home

But seem lost in a foreign world that I roam

For twenty years I roam this planet Earth

Two decades in search of my purpose and worth

Questioning every single thing in consciousness

Living a life as delicate as it is precious

Sometimes it feels like I had just died yesterday

Somehow it feels like I was born just yesterday

For Yesterday today feels like lightyears away

Yet all the questions inside my head are still here to stay

Life’s Absurdity

I live a laughable life

Riding ridiculous destiny

Even this poem is a ludicrous attempt at poetry

Like absurd birds indulging in absurdity

Levitating wings floating in the middle of the sea

Running free from the riddle of uncertainty

See?

Silly

Silly life in a silly world

Silly me on small little Earth

Silly creature in the centre of a momentary universe

Sinking, falling, blame it all on gravity

When the clumsy one is me

Pathetic, risible me, on whom joke is to be

Ha...!

Do you not find it funny

How ironic is this irony

Of me writing this folly

So why bother, dear, is it not foolish?

Why fear, dear, if it is senseless?

Just close your eyes and smile

At this pointless piece of rubbish

And perhaps shake your head in wonderment

With a teardrop or two

Mayhem in Silence

I whisper through this noise

But suffocate in this crowd

My hand reaches for theirs

But they just watch as I drown

A quiet, chaotic soul

In vile, volatile world

Tragedy, or parody?

Misery, or remedy?

Silence

Can you hear the silence

Can you feel the stillness in the air

When your ears stop sensing vibration

Such a phenomenon is rare

I shall cherish every single moment

I may never get this elsewhere

In a world corrupted by pollution

With toxic noises everywhere

But then silence gets louder and louder

Exerting pressure on these delicate ears

A moment of quietude is indeed what I need

But overexposure to it makes them bleed

I do find pleasure and serenity in silence

But too much of it is violent

Now I’m in dire need of distraction

To escape this boredom and its destruction

I Rage in Silence

I rage in silence

As I smile for the masses

Laughter to wash away my tears 

I rage in silence

Whilst my heart splits in two

It catches fire, and skips a beat or two 

As I rage in silence

Adrenaline rushes through my vein

Yet I am here still, bearing the pain 

I rage in silence

I am getting good at charade

I just have to put on a good facade 

And rage on

Rage on in eternal silence

Midnight Oil

Sun doesn't shine at the stroke of night

So he fueled his flesh with midnight oil

Setting his skin ablaze to burn up bright

Revealing every single fibre of his muscle

He'd shower them with his brilliant light

While himself in his own blood and sweats

And show his smile but not wound inside

Until all is left'd be but his bones and ash

A Call From Yesteryear

A cry from the rear

A distant ring in the ear

I ignore the call, I ignore them all

Whispers from all sides

From behind, from left and right

I ignore them all, I ignore the call

Still eyes at the fore

Don't turn around anymore

Just ignore the call, just ignore them all

However loud the past screams

However tempting it seems

Never once look back

Keep swimming across the stream

Or sink and drown in your dream

Into abyss of regret

Early Morning

Soul of mine roams the sky at twilight

To accompany the ever so lonely moon

She has burned herself to reflect the sunlight

Until the sun returns very soon

For she cannot bear to see the world in darkness

And every fortnight, she gradually disappears

So the stars summon my body in the early morn

For even they cannot bear to see her soulful tears

She shines brighter contentedly at my presence

And asks for my hand to dance the dark day away

So I reach a hand out to her and close my eyes

The wind dances along and the trees sway

The universe is asleep and I am her hero today

Before the sun and the rest of earthlings rise

I own this world now so I shall savour this calm

This moment will not stay but I can still seize this day

Epilogue

Even the tall sky bleeds tears

And the great rainbow frowns

Dear I’d still see your colours

Even after your soul drowns